Earlier this week, just after wrapping up a PD session on Effective Behavior Support Planning in PBIS, Ms. F—an insightful and compassionate teacher—walked up and asked, “Hey Tim, do you have a minute? I have a student who has some difficulty keeping hands and feet to self”
She wanted to talk about a student—let’s call him M—who’s been struggling with keeping hands and feet to self, especially around peers. “It’s not mean-spirited,” she said. “He’s just impulsive. He’ll reach out and touch someone’s arm, or give a friendly tap—not out of aggression, just… because.”
Then she added, “Earlier today, I actually said, ‘M, we don’t play tag in the face!’” We both laughed, because that sentence perfectly sums up life in an elementary classroom.
But behind the humor was a real challenge: how do we support students like M in keeping their hands and feet to themselves without shaming them or punishing natural impulses?
Most Teachers Already Know What to Do
We brainstormed a few strategies, and honestly, Ms. F was already doing the things I would’ve suggested—teaching expectations clearly, offering kind redirection, and using connection over correction. It was clear she understood that M wasn’t trying to be disruptive—he needed tools to help his body do what his brain was still learning to manage.
Even so, the conversation stuck with me later that night. So I brought it up with my partner, LaShun, while we were on our way to catch some Pokémon at Reid Park in Tucson.
LaShun is training to become a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. He works every day with children, youth, and adults who have difficulty with impulse control—especially around keeping hands and feet to self.
So I asked, “What would you do if a student kept impulsively touching or hitting, even playfully?”
He said, “I’d use differential reinforcement of incompatible behaviors.”
I stared at him. “Plain English, please?”
He smiled and said, “It means you reinforce the student for doing something that makes it physically impossible to touch or hit—any acceptable behavior that keeps their hands busy.”
What Keeping Hands and Feet to Self Looks Like in Practice
I asked, “Okay, but what does that look like for a ten-year-old?”
Here are some of LaShun’s examples—simple strategies that support keeping hands and feet to self in everyday routines:
- Sit on your left hand, write with your right. This gives one hand a job while the other is already occupied.
- Use a giant stuffed animal during carpet time. M’s job? Keep the animal from “escaping” by hugging it gently. It’s playful, physical, and effective.
- Give him something to carry in line. A basket, a stack of books, or even your teacher bag. The point is to keep his hands full and his body engaged.
- Offer desk fidgets—anchored, not loose. Velcro dots, sandpaper stickers, or elastic bands taped to the desk work great. Loose fidgets often end up flying.
Each of these options helps students build habits around keeping hands and feet to self in a way that’s structured, but not restrictive. These aren’t punishments. They’re practical supports rooted in empathy, neuroscience, and real classroom life.
Why This Matters
None of this is about making students behave “perfectly.” It’s about helping them learn how to navigate their world successfully. And more often than not, educators like Ms. F already have the tools—they just need a quick check-in, a second opinion, or a reminder that what they’re doing is exactly right.
When we approach behavior as communication—and support keeping hands and feet to self not through control, but through collaboration—our students learn to trust us, and to trust themselves.
And in the end, maybe the most useful strategy of all is this:
When a student impulsively smacks a friend mid-game and you catch yourself saying “We don’t play tag in the face!”—remember that you’re not failing. You’re paying attention. You’re learning together. And that’s the heart of all effective behavior support.